The Bones in the Downward Spiral
by boothforlife
Summary: Brennan realises everyone else in her life is happy and no longer cares about her. She begins drinking and other risky activities eventually leading to possible self harm. Somewhat OOC. I DON'T OWN BONES!
1. Chapter 1

Brennan sat at her desk staring at her computer. She couldn't believe this was happening. She couldn't think of anything to write. Not one single thing. This had never happened to her before and she had no idea why it was happening now. It wasn't like she didn't have plenty of inspiration for horrible murders. She was trying to write a scene between Kathy and Andy but she felt like they just didn't have anything to say to each other anymore. She found this to be especially troublesome as she was halfway through the first draft of the book. Sighing loudly she stood up and stretched, glancing at the clock on the way to the kitchen. Three am. Damn, what a complete waste of time, she thought angrily, now I'll be tired tomorrow and have accomplished nothing. She pulled open the fridge and stared dejectedly inside. There was nothing in there. She'd meant to go to the supermarket on the way home but she had forgotten. For the third time this week.

Leaning on the counter she contemplated her life recently. Booth was deeply in love with Hannah, Angela and Hodgins were excitedly awaiting their baby, Cam was in a relationship with a doctor. And she was alone. Like always. She missed Booth and their friendship. He had promised her that he would always be there for her no matter what, but now Hannah was the one he was always there for. Brennan didn't even like Hannah. She had tried, for Booth's sake, but she found her to be almost as annoying as Daisy. Briefly contemplating the pros and cons, she reached into the cupboard above the microwave and retrieved a bottle of vodka, suddenly glad that she'd stocked up recently. Grabbing a glass she walked into the lounge and sat on the sofa, pouring a decent amount in and knocking it back.

Gradually she felt her brain slowing down as the alcohol numbed her senses. Smiling slightly she discarded the glass and drank straight from the bottle, leaning back into the soft couch. Although it stung slightly as it hit her throat, Brennan was very much enjoying not feeling so much. Ever since she got back from Maluku she had opened up more and look where that had gotten her. Nowhere. She was still in the same place. The exact same place. Her apartment, alone. The only difference now was that she wished she wasn't alone. And she hated that she wished that.

* * *

><p>Somewhere she could hear a phone ringing but it sounded really far away so she decided blearily that it probably wasn't hers and fell back to sleep. A few minutes later the same thing happened, although the phone sounded louder this time. Brennan groaned and tried to sit up. Her movement knocked the half empty vodka bottle and her reflexes were not up to speed so it fell to the floor. She tried to grab it before it could all escape-what a waste that would be-but as she moved nausea ripped through her and she barely made it to the toilet in time, the vodka forgotten.<p>

Brennan wasn't aware of how long she sat gripping the toilet rim in order to stay upright while she vomited up what appeared to be her entire stomach lining. After a while she staggered into the shower and turned it on, not caring that she was still wearing her clothes from the day before. The hot water made her feel a lot better although she still felt slightly fuzzy around the edges and on the verge of retching. She got out of the shower and quickly steadied herself on the vanity before taking some Tylenol.

The phone started ringing again and she walked slowly into her bedroom to pick it up, lying down as she did so.

"Brennan." She tried to make her voice sound normal and hoped she'd succeeded.

"Bren? Sweetie? Where are you? It's nine already and I've been calling you for hours!" Angela's high pitched hyperbolic accusation seemed to Brennan to shoot straight down the phone line and amplify before hitting her in the head. It hurt. A lot. As what Angela was saying suck in she looked in horror at the clock. Crap. She was late, possibly still inebriated and definitely hung-over.

"I'll be there soon. I just got held up…tying up a case with Booth." The lie came easily to her lips and Brennan quickly hung up before Angela could interrogate her further. She got dressed quickly and made her way to the front door, cringing as she spotted the vodka lying on the floor. There were only a couple of shots left. Shrugging Brennan tipped them down her throat hoping it would help. Booth had told her once that it was a hang-over cure; it had a strange name that she struggled to remember. Hair of the cat or something like that she decided, rushing to re-brush her teeth before finally heading to the Jeffersonian.


	2. Chapter 2

When she arrived at the Jeffersonian she headed quickly to her office with her head down trying to avoid being seen. As she slid into her chair she let out a breath of relief, which was closely followed by the tang of disappointment she could taste for the rest of the day as neither Angela nor Booth came to check up on her. Well Angela had stuck her head in soon after Brennan had arrived but she had told her she was very busy and Angela had left without another word. Sighing Brennan packed up and left, a nasty thought forming at the back of her mind. Didn't anyone care about her anymore? She wasn't sure she'd like the answer to that question and as she drove past a liquor store on her way home she couldn't resist going in and buying a bottle of tequila.

As soon as she arrived she dropped onto the couch and cracked open the tequila. She just wanted to get wasted, as Angela would say. Trying to ignore the hurt she felt when thinking of her former best friend, Brennan took a few big gulps of the burning liquid. As she had once again forgotten to eat during the day, its effect was almost instantaneous. Suddenly, she didn't want to be alone in her apartment. She jumped up and went to put on a short black dress she'd once bought with Angela for a joke, dabbed on some makeup, grabbed her heels, downed a few decent sized shots of tequila and staggered out.

Wishing that she'd called a cab, Brennan stumbled down the road. There was a new club that had opened up just a few blocks away that Angela had wanted to drag her to several times. She had always refused as she didn't see the point in gyrating with a group of other drunken people to horrible music. She would much rather spend her valuable time working or writing. She smiled as she contemplated that she was contradicting herself by going there tonight.

"Hey!" The loud shout startled Brennan and she looked around to try to locate the source of it.

"Want a ride baby?" The dark green car pulled up alongside her, stopping as she turned to answer. She was going to say no, she could feel the word on the tip of her tongue, but then she realized how tired she was and how much her feet hurt. Plus the man who was driving and his friends seemed nice.

"That would be great. Thanks." She replied finally, almost falling off the curb as she leaned forward to open the back door. The two men in the front seat high fived and smiled at her. She smiled back, happy that they were happy.

"I'm Josh, that's Chris," the man on the right pointed out, "Where you heading?"

"That new club, The Temptress. I'm…" As she went to introduce herself, Brennan hesitated. She didn't want to be herself anymore.

"I'm Roxy." She smiled, satisfied. Roxy was someone she admired. She had attitude, and she was happy.

"Well lucky for you Roxy, that's where we're headed too. And we have something that will get us there a lot faster." Reaching into a bag at his feet, Josh pulled out several small white pills and offered them to Brennan. She reached forward and took one, trying to ignore what Booth would call her conscience as it screamed at her to throw it away and get out of the car. She stared at it for a moment, suddenly unsure.

"Come on baby," Chris encouraged, "it's just a bit of fun, look here we are. Trust me; it will be like nothing you've ever experienced." He'd pulled the car into a space opposite the club, and produced a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Here, wash it down with some of this." Brennan took the liquid from him gratefully. She was really thirsty she realized suddenly, unscrewing the cap and quickly swallowing the pill, along with a decent amount of Jack.

"Woohoo let's go!" Josh yelled, taking his own pills and getting out to help Brennan out of the car. She seemed to be having trouble opening the door. Gratefully, she leant on him as they crossed the road, her vision was blurring slightly at the edges. The men nodded to the bouncer and suddenly she was inside the club and her new friends were nowhere to be seen.

**Author's note: Hey, it would be great if you could review! I'd like some imput into where you'd like this story to go, I have some ideas but any extras would be welcome. Thanks for reading :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Brennan stared blearily into the club and blinked fast a couple of times. It didn't help. Her vision appeared to be fragmented and buzzing. She moved forward slowly, before Josh's face suddenly popped up in front of hers.

"Hey I got you a drink." He put a glass in her hand and Brennan drank it gratefully. It tasted like some sort of tropical cocktail, and was very soothing to her dry mouth and throat. When she was done Josh grabbed her hand and started pulling for her to follow. Brennan let him lead her, she didn't have the strength to resist even if she had wanted to and she wasn't sure that she did. As they moved further into the club, people faded in and out of Brennan's vision. A few minutes later she realized they had stopped moving and Josh was pulling her to and fro. For a while she was confused and then recognized that they were dancing. She smiled, closing her eyes and swaying back and forth. The music was good, she thought, sparkly. She giggled, spinning round and round. Opening her eyes all the colors around her jumped into sharp focus. It was like a million rainbows shattered into glittering pieces. She reached out to grab one but couldn't reach. Frowning she stumbled forward. It moved further and further away the closer she got. She frowned, this wasn't fun.

"Baby, come back and dance with me. You're so beautiful and sexy." Chris's voice tickled in her ear as he whispered something else she couldn't catch. He pulled her tight against his body and started running his hands all over her back, creeping further down each time. Brennan frowned as she rested her head against his shoulder. She was tired and everything was confusing.

"I'mgoingtothebathroom." She slurred into his shoulder, lurching away from him and stumbling forward. She looked around, panicking. Where was she? There were so many people. She pushed against them trying to escape. Finally she broke through the heavy throng of dancers. She was starting to feel nauseous. All she wanted was to be home in bed. All of sudden she was trying not to cry. Weaving from side to side she slowly made her way towards what she thought was a wall. It lurched sideways as she reached it and she ended up slumped against it on the floor. The wall felt good against her back, it was nice and cool. God, why was she so hot. It was so hot in there. Desperately, she pulled her mobile out of her bra and hit 3. She could hear the ringing but it seemed really spaced out. She didn't hear when someone answered.

"Angggg?" She slurred down the phone. Leaning forward she rested her head against her knees and closed her eyes.

"Bren? Brennan? Are you there? HELLO?" Angela's voice startled Brennan and she opened her eyes to stare at her phone. The screen was really bright and buzzy. She giggled and put it back to her ear.

"Anggg! Are you havin' funnnn?"

"Bren? Are you drunk? Where are you? Is Booth with you?" Angela fired off a million questions which Brennan couldn't understand.

"My legss feel heavvvy Ang. Can you see the sparkles?" She wished Angela was here now, as an artist she would appreciate the colors. Smiling at the thought, she looked up and saw Josh and Chris looking for her.

"Anggg I don't want them to find me. I don't want to. Don't let them find me!" Petrified she started sobbing, gasping for breath.

"Brennan listen to me. BRENNAN. Where are you?"

"Temper, Tempting, Tempted…"

"The Temptress? Stay there Bren ok? Just stay there." The phone went dead and Brennan stared down at it disbelievingly. Angela hung up on her. She really didn't care about her anymore. A fresh set of tears tracked their way down her cheeks and she brushed them away angrily. She wasn't going to cry over someone who didn't care about her anymore. Shakily she tried to stand up, gasping when a strong set of arms lifted her from either side. Her friends were back.

"I'm cold." She pouted, teeth chattering against each other.

"Oh don't worry bout that, we'll get you warmed right up!" Brennan was grateful that these two men cared so much about her; she didn't look up in time to see the secretive sneer they shared.

"I want a drink." She demanded, letting them lead her towards the bar. She leaned heavily against Josh while Chris ordered and paid for a long island iced tea. Confused she watched as her emptied a small vial into it before giving it to her.

"What was that?"

"Oh it's just like the stuff from earlier, you know, it makes you happy." He stroked her hair off her face as he explained and Brennan's already dilated eyes widened.

"Will it bring back the rainbows?" She asked eagerly and smiled when he replied.

"Sure baby, it will bring back anything you want." Brennan gulped down the drink quickly, it was refreshing and she hoped it would work fast. As she was drinking she felt something wet on her neck. Looking down she could see that Josh was kissing her, moving his way closer and closer towards her mouth.

"I want to sit down." She begged. Her legs were so tired, everything felt heavy. Where were the rainbows? The men lead her over to a secluded couch area and sat her between them, pulling the curtains as they did so. It felt good to sit down after standing up for so long. She put her head on Josh's shoulder and shut her eyes. Distantly she could feel someone kissing her neck again but she was too tired to do anything to stop it. The music pounded through her body creating a soothing rhythm which was lulling her into a stupor. She was so relaxed and floaty, everything felt floaty.

Dimly she opened her eyes as her arm was yanked almost dislocating itself from her shoulder. Her head flopped forward and she struggled to comprehend what was happening. It was so dark and she couldn't see properly, from far away she could hear someone that sounded like Hodgins growling and…was that Angela? Brennan was confused and feeling sicker by the second. She didn't like this at all. As she felt her other arm lifted up she let out a whimper and tried to open her eyes. Through a small crack she caught a glimpse of Angela's face swimming in front of her but everything was moving so she quickly closed them again, welcoming the oblivion she could see was just around the corner.


	4. Chapter 4

Brennan's senses came back to her one by one. First was her feeling. Her mouth was cracked and dry. Burning. Her head was pounding hard, rhythmic pain slamming into her over and over and over again. She could feel that she was in a bed, but it wasn't hers. The sheets were silk not cotton. Her body felt bruised and achy, like she'd been in some sort of fight. It was like the time she had been beaten by one of her foster fathers and the likeness made her flinch in pain. A few tears leaked out of her eyes and slid down her face. What was going on? Had she been kidnapped? Struggling through her memories Brennan tried to think but gave up a few minutes later. She remembered leaving the lab and then nothing.

Next came her hearing. It was quiet but she thought she could hear traffic out on the street and a door slamming. She strained to hear more. God where was she? She could hear her own groan as it reverberated through her.

Then her sense of smell hit her. As soon as it returned, Brennan wished it hadn't. The putrid smell of vomit mixed with stale smoke and alcohol whirled around her triggering her sense of taste when she tried to swallow. Her dry tongue grated against the back of her throat and suddenly she could taste exactly what she could smell. Her teeth felt furry and she tried to ignore it, she was starting to feel nauseous.

Brennan opened her eyes but quickly shut them again when the bright light seemed to penetrate deep into her brain like a taser. She rubbed them before she could stop herself and the motion felt like she had a decent amount of sand trapped in there. As she adjusted to the light she pushed herself up and slumped against the head board so she could see. The room was simply but elegantly furnished. The queen sized bed she was in sat in the middle of the room with a closet by the door on the wall to the left and a window taking up the entire wall on the right. Another door opened onto a bathroom straight ahead. Glancing at the bedside table Brennan spotted the glass of water and slurped it down gratefully. As it hit her stomach she shuddered and tried not to retch, freezing for a while until the feeling seemed to pass. Lifting up the covers she swung her legs to the side of the bed and braced herself before standing narrowly avoiding landing in a bowl of vomit. So that was where the smell was coming from.

In the bathroom she stared at herself in the mirror. Her hair was tangled and the side bits looked like they had dried vomit in them. Her eyes were circled with darkness and were so bloodshot it was scary. Her lips were cracked and makeup was smeared all over her face. Cringing she moved her assessment further down her body. Her neck was decorated with small contusions which puzzled her. How did they get there? She didn't remember meeting a man, and there definitely wasn't one with her now. Unless she was in his house… Oh god, what if he was somewhere in the rest of the house waiting for her to wake up. Panicking, Brennan tried again to remember anything from last night. A flash of memory of dancing came back to her. So she had gone out last night. Which meant she probably was in some man's house. Looking further down her body she groaned. She was only wearing underwear. This was not looking good. Eyeing the shower in the reflection she peeled off her bra and undies and stepped in. The hot water felt nice against her skin and tired muscles. Closing her eyes she stood directly under the spray, trying to wash away things she couldn't remember.

After drying herself off and rooting around in the closet before finding some track pants and a t-shirt, Brennan stepped cautiously into the hall. She looked both ways but the hallway stretched in both directions and then turned so she couldn't tell which way to go to find the way out. Gathering her courage she chose right and tiptoed down the hallway, glancing back over her shoulder to check if anyone was coming from the other way. Suddenly she slammed into something and went flying backwards screaming in fright before landing on her back.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going." She apologized with her eyes closed. Horrified she felt tears escaping and clenched her eyes tighter to try and stop them. It wasn't working.

"Bren? Are you o.k.?" Brennan's eyes flew open to find Angela staring down at her with concern written all over her face. This was not what she was expecting. Had she gone out with Angela last night? But Angela didn't care about her anymore. So why is she here? A voice in the back of her head taunted. She let Angela pull her to her feet and followed her down the hallway before they turned off into an open lounge/kitchen.

"Where are we Angela?" At her question Angela spun around and stared at her.

"Me and Jack's house." Brennan looked around, vaguely recognizing that she had been here before. Instead of making her feel better, however, this information only made her feel worse.

"Why am I here?" She dreaded hearing the answer but she had to know. Angela pulled her over to the couch and they both sat down before she started talking. Brennan was starting to feel faint and she was glad she was sitting down.

"You called me." Angela sighed as she looked down at her watch. "You were slurring and I couldn't understand most of what you were saying but eventually I figured out you were at The Temptress and Hodgin's and I drove over there to pick you up. I was so worried Bren. You said something about some guys and how you didn't want them to take you and you were hysterical. When we got there we looked everywhere for you but we couldn't find you. Jack asked the bartender if he'd seen you and he pointed to this booth at the back that we hadn't noticed before. We went over to it but I thought it was a waste of time. That you must have gone home because there's no way the Temperance Brennan that I know would ever go into one of those booths with a strange guy. Jack persuaded me that we may as well check it out just so we knew we had looked everywhere so I pulled back the curtain." At this Angela paused to look up at Brennan who was staring at her in horror.

" You were propped up between these two guys. You were unconscious and they were…they…" Angela broke down in tears and Brennan didn't know what to do. Nothing Angela was saying made any sense.

"They what Angela?" Brennan spat out. She needed to know.

"They had their hands all over you. Up your dress. And you were just sitting there. Hodgin's told them that they'd better leave right now or he'd call the police and I pulled your arm to wake you up." At this Brennan had a brief flash of her arm being tugged roughly before Angela continued. "Your eyes opened for a second but then you passed out again. Jack and I, we carried you to the car, brought you home and got you into bed. I thought that was it, you'd sleep it off and wake up in the morning." Angela paused again to wipe her eyes and Brennan curled herself into a ball in the end of the couch.

"But I didn't?" She held her breath while she waited for Angela to reply.

"No Brennan. You didn't. I was dozing in a chair by your bed, to make sure you were ok, and suddenly you woke up and started vomiting everywhere. But I thought, you know, that's normal, you'd had a bit too much to drink and this was the result. You vomited for hours, Bren, hours. And once your stomach was empty, which didn't take long by the way, you started vomiting up blood." Angela looked up at Brennan to gauge the reaction she was getting to the story. Brennan stared at her with round, bloodshot eyes, urging her to continue.

"I ran and woke up Jack and he called 911 and told them what was going on. We thought you would need an ambulance but they explained that your symptoms were probably drug related and that as long as you were being looked after there wasn't much they could do. They told us to make sure you didn't choke on your own vomit and to let you sleep it off. That was 24hours ago." Brennan stared at Angela. She was so embarrassed that Angela had seen her like that. Suddenly Angela sat up and scowled at her.

"Do you have ANY idea what that was like for me Brennan? To see you like that? I thought you were going to die. And those guys? Drugs? What the hell is WRONG with you?" Brennan cowered while Angela yelled at her. She felt bad about making Angela look after her. She didn't deserve to be treated like this by Brennan. When Angela stopped yelling Brennan looked up at her. The pity in her eyes was too much. Quickly she jumped up and moved to the door.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience I caused you Angela. It won't happen again." Turning around before Angela could see her cry, Brennan fled.

**Author's Note: Hey thanks for the reviews. Don't worry Booth will make an appearance soon I promise, this is just the beginning… So what are your thoughts? Let me know!**


	5. Chapter 5

Brennan was relieved when she got to her apartment building. She bypassed the lift and headed for the stairs, gripping onto the railing to hold herself up. Her legs felt weak and her head was starting to spin. Gritting her teeth in determination she pushed herself forward, sighing with relief when she got to her door. Letting it slam behind her she tried to ignore the alcohol stacked up in the middle of the room. Trying not to think about anything she walked zombielike to her room, collapsed on her bed and let unconsciousness take her again.

When she woke up and glanced at the clock it was 1am. She groaned. Her sleep patterns were all messed up. She closed her eyes again and tried to go back to the dreamless sleep she had just been enjoying. It didn't work. Her mind began churning over what Angela had said and warm tears began to drip from her eyes. She really did feel bad about making Angela worry about her, feel guilty about her. It wasn't fair that she had to come to Brennan's rescue. Especially now that she was pregnant and had the baby to think of. And her husband; Hodgins. Brennan groaned as she realized that she would have to see Hodgins at work, knowing that he felt sorry for her. That they all felt sorry for her. She didn't need or want their pity. Lying in the dark thinking about the stress she put everyone through gave Brennan some clarity. She was a burden on all the people in her life.

Angela felt bound by her duty to look after her; residual from their previous friendship. Brennan knew that Angela felt guilty because she didn't spend any time with her anymore but Brennan understood. All relationships were subject to change and evolution. It was natural that they should grow apart. Hodgins, as her employee, didn't want to lose his job and loved Angela so he supported her in her worry and guilt about Brennan. Cam didn't want to lose her star employee at the Jeffersonian. And Booth. Brennan felt her stomach clench as she imagined Booth curled up in bed right now with Hannah. She knew he worried about her. Ever since the Lauren Eames case he had watched her with more and more pity in his eyes. And she couldn't take it anymore. Everyone would be better off without her.

Sick of lying in bed and desperate to escape her own mind, Brennan got up and headed into the lounge. Sitting on the couch she eyed the alcohol wearily. She knew she shouldn't, she had work in a few hours, but she rationalized that it would help her relax and maybe she'd be able to get some sleep. She grabbed the half empty bottle of tequila and sipped from it, cringing as it burnt her raw throat. Brennan frowned at the bottle. It was supposed to be making her feel better not worse. She just needed more; she'd probably started to build up a tolerance to it after the last week. Half an hour later Brennan tilted her head back as the last drop trickled onto her tongue. She frowned. The alcohol had definitely not had the desired effect. She felt numb and the faces of her Angela, Booth, Hodgins and Cam wouldn't stop dancing through her mind. They were all looking at her with pity and frustration. She was taking up their time and effort and preventing them from enjoying their lives. Angrily, Brennan threw the bottle across the room where it hit the granite bench and smashed.

She stared at in surprise and held her breath to listen if any of her neighbors had heard. There were no exclamations of concern, no one ran out into the hall to see if she was ok. No one cared. Getting up off the couch she stumbled over to the mess she'd just made. She tried to avoid standing on the glass in her bare feet but even though she had her arms out for balance she couldn't help but fall sideways. As a particularly sharp piece of glass wedged itself in her foot Brennan stopped and tried to lift her foot up to get it out without thinking about the consequences. She fell forward heavily into the middle of the broken glass putting her hands arms out at the last minute as a reflex to stop herself. The pain shot around her body stimulating adrenaline. Brennan was confused. Why did this feel good? She sat up, her foot forgotten as she watched the blood trickle down her forearms. The cuts stung a little but weren't deep and she could feel the rush of adrenaline wearing off. You're pathetic, she taunted herself, you're drunk and lonely and pathetic and a cold fish. No one cares about you.

Dazed she picked up a piece of the glass and ran it up her wrist. There was no pain. Brennan began to panic. Her breath became short. Why was there no pain. She wasn't really that cold, was she? She needed to feel something. She dragged the glass up and down up and down over and over again. Blood was running down her hand and dripping onto the floor but she didn't care. She could see the injury so why couldn't she feel it? She just wanted to feel. Anger took over as she refused to give in, refused to accept the coldness she could feel seeping through her. Her whole forearm was red now and Brennan's head was beginning to swim. She gave up in defeat and lay down. Tears chased each other down her face as she began to pass out.

Through her haziness she could hear something. It would start for a while and then stop again. What was it? She knew she should recognize it but she couldn't think straight. She tried to sit up but she found she couldn't move. She felt so weak. And tired. She was so so tired. The crunch of glass near her feet made her struggle to open her eyes again but she felt like she was looking through water. She couldn't make anything out, it was all just a blur of color. Suddenly she felt someone touching her shoulder, shaking her. She wanted to tell them to stop that she didn't like it but she couldn't make her mouth work. Someone was talking, yelling but their words were all mashed together and Brennan couldn't make them out. Her ears were full of a rushing noise which overpowered everything else. She felt her eyelid being lifted up but she couldn't see. She couldn't feel either. Everything began to fade away and she welcomed the peace. It was so nice, finally, to just be in peace. Just before she passed out she thought she heard Booth's voice.

"Bones!"

**Author's Note: So what do you think? Like the way it's going? Want something specific to happen? Hate this chapter? Let me know, reviews make me wanna update quicker...**


	6. Chapter 6

Brennan faded in and out of consciousness. She felt like she was in the ocean, the waves pulling her back and forth. She felt herself be lifted and placed on a mattress. Something was pushing against her arm and it was hurting. She whimpered in pain.

"Do you want me to call someone to go with her?" She recognized Booth's voice. But what was he doing? What was going on? She tried to open her eyes but failed. Were they at work? Had she been shot? Why didn't Booth want to come with her to the hospital? He always came with her.

"You don't want to come yourself?" Brennan waited for Booth to say that of course he'd be coming and no one would be able to stop him. She waited to feel his hand in hers, to hear him murmuring reassuringly in her ear.

"No. I don't want to come. My girlfriend's waiting for me at home." Brennan felt like she was dying. She couldn't get enough oxygen. She didn't want to feel this pain in her chest anymore. Something was placed over her face and she slipped eagerly back into the darkness.

When Brennan woke up again she realized that she was in a hospital. A heart rate monitor beeped steadily beside her and an I.V. containing clear liquid was inserted in her right arm. Her left arm was throbbing and she lifted it up to examine it. A thick bandage covered it from her elbow to her wrist. She couldn't remember what had happened but she was sure that she didn't need to be in hospital. Impatient, she carefully extracted the I.V. from her arm and started unwrapping the bandage so she could see what was wrong. Gritting her teeth against the pain she removed the gauze strips that were underneath the bandage and stared at her arm. It was crisscrossed with jagged, angry-red cuts. Some of the worse ones had stitches in them. Memories started flashing through her mind as she stared at her arm. Leaving Angela's; drinking; broken glass; the realization that she was a burden on everyone she knew; the cutting; passing out; Booth. Booth? She looked around the room in case she had somehow missed him but there was no sign of him anywhere. So it was true, he truly didn't care about her anymore.

A deep feeling of depression settled over her and she swung her legs over the side of the bed, wrapping her arm back up as she did so. She needed to get out of the hospital before they made her get some sort of counseling. She was probably already on suicide watch. Looking down at herself she grimaced. Where were her clothes? She spotted them on a chair at the side of the room and quickly pulled them on trying not to focus on the bloodstains that covered them. Her eyes swept the room again and she noticed the bottle of pills on the bed-side table. Grabbing them, she moved to the doorway and walked purposefully down the corridor to the lifts. Luck was on her side, not that she believed in luck of course, but she didn't run into any nurses or doctors as she made her escape, and for that she was grateful.

Once she got outside she hesitated. What now? She needed to get changed and then she needed to go to work. It was already mid-day. When the cab dropped her off at her apartment she had to run upstairs to get some money to pay the driver and she didn't have time to look around, but when she returned to get ready for work she came to an abrupt stop in the doorway. The room was a mess. Empty bottles lay scattered around the lounge. Broken glass and blood covered the kitchen floor, a reminder of her pain. Brennan hissed as she tried to cross her arms. Stepping over the mess she entered the kitchen and filled a glass with water. Popping the lid of the bottle that was still in her hand she hastily swallowed two pills.

When she arrived at the Jeffersonian it was almost three. She managed to get into her office without anyone seeing her and began to go through her emails. After a while she became completely absorbed in what she was doing and removed her coat roughly, without thinking. Pain shot up her arm and she frowned down at it. She really needed to catch up on her work and she couldn't if she was in pain. This time she didn't count the pills, she just took a handful. Within minutes she couldn't feel anything. A sharp knock interrupted her but she wasn't really working anymore, just staring into space.

"Dr. Brennan?" It was Cam. Brennan grinned at her and motioned for her to come in.

"I was wondering if you finished that report that I needed today?"

"The report…?" Brennan repeated. "I might have done it." Cam stared at her, totally confused.

"Dr. Brennan…" Cam paused and stepped closer, leaning over the desk to look into Brennan's eyes.

"Dr. Brennan are you… high?" Brennan quickly glanced away from Cam and tried to think of something to say. She couldn't remember what the question was. Cam was staring at her as if she was crazy. Brennan couldn't stop herself, she giggled. And once she started, she couldn't stop. Soon she was doubled over, laughter shaking her stomach till it hurt. She brought her arm out from where she'd been hiding it under the desk to clutch her middle. Cam turned and left and Brennan kept laughing.

Looking up again she came face to face with not only Cam but Angela too. They had matching frowns on their faces which made Brennan laugh harder. Tears were pouring down her face and she was gasping for breath, but it felt so good just to laugh. Vaguely she wondered why Cam and Angela weren't laughing as well. Angela stepped forward and slapped Brennan hard across the face. Her head snapped to the side and she stopped laughing.

"What happened to your arm Brennan?" Angela glared at her and waited for an answer. Brennan shoved her arm under her desk but it was too late.

"I fell." She glanced at her computer, avoiding Angela's perceptive eyes.

"Why are your pupils dilated?" It was Cam's turn to interrogate her now.

"The doctor gave me some pain killers, I must have lost track of how many I'd taken." It was a plausible lie and Brennan held her breath as she waited to see if they'd bought it.

"Bren, what's going on with you?" Angela had changed tack. She was playing up the best friend angle, acting like she cared in order to get the truth. Brennan knew that she was just acting out of guilt.

"Nothing Angela I'm fine."

"Brennan. Don't lie to me. I know when you're lying. I have to rescue you from some dodgy guys, find out you were drugged, then you disappear on me, and now you turn up at work late, high, with a bandaged arm and acting like nothing happened. So tell me the truth Bren, what's wrong?"

"Come on Dr. Brennan, you know you can trust us. We just want to help." Added Cam as they both pressured her to tell them, tell them what exactly, she wasn't sure. She stood up abruptly.

"I don't know what you want me to say. Nothing is…" She passed out, falling backwards, hitting her chair and crumpling to the floor. She came to again almost immediately to find Cam and Angela's faces right in front of her. Angela appeared to be crying. She sat up with as much dignity as she could muster. Her arm was throbbing painfully and she looked down at it. The bandage was turning red; she must have split her stitches.

"You can't tell us nothing's wrong Dr. Brennan. You just passed out."

"And your arm is bleeding. Come on Bren, let us in. We can help. Let me help." Angela was begging now, tears pouring down her face. Brennan stared at her. If she didn't want to be friends anymore, then why was she so determined to know what was wrong and to help fix it?

"Dr. Brennan would you like me to take a look at your arm?" Cam's well intentioned question caused Brennan to stand up and hold it behind her back defensively. She knew that if anyone saw it they'd know just how weak and pathetic she really was. She opened the draw under her desk and took some more pills, forgetting for a moment that she had an audience.

"You have two options. Either I come and stay at your house for a while or you come and stay with me and Hodgins for a couple of days until you feel better, and I'm not taking no for an answer ok Bren?"

"But why?" She still couldn't work it out, but she didn't want to go back to her apartment. Imagined what Angela would say if she saw it made her shudder. She didn't want to be alone; she was scared of what she might do.

"Because I love you sweetie! I'm your sister. Your best friend. I love you and I want to take care of you." Brennan felt her eyes tearing up and struggled not to cry. She didn't have the energy to fight anymore. Nodding, she let Angela lead her out of her office towards the exit.


	7. Chapter 7

The drive to Angela's was awkward to say the least. Brennan sat and stared out the window holding her arm tightly against her body. She could see Angela glancing over at her every few seconds from the corner of her eye but she refused to acknowledge her.

When they arrived Brennan followed Angela through the front door and then hesitated. What was she supposed to do now? She needed to fix her arm up without Angela seeing. Pulling her sleeve up she grimaced as she caught sight of the amount of blood that was now soaking the bandage. Angela turned around when she realized Brennan wasn't following.

"Bren? Are you coming?" Brennan quickly covered her arm up again.

"I need to go to the bathroom." Hopefully there would be a first aid kit of some kind in there.

"Sure, third door on the right. I'll be in the kitchen when you're done ok?" Brennan nodded and walked quickly to down the hall. Shutting the door behind her she frowned. No lock. She shrugged of her jacket and started undoing the bandage. Her arm was looking a lot worse than it had at the hospital. Trying not to get blood on her clothes she opened the cupboard above the sink to look for a first aid kit. Nothing. She moved to the next cupboard to the right but found the same result. She ground her teeth together in frustration. Who didn't have a basic first aid kit? It was common sense. As she reached for the next cupboard a wave of dizziness hit and she quickly sank to the floor, putting her head between her knees and breathing deeply.

Suddenly there were several knocks at the door. "Bren, you ok in there?"

"I'm fine Ang." She called quickly, hoping the artist would leave her alone. Her arm was really starting to hurt again but she'd left the pills in her coat pocket which was by the door and when she tried to move she felt dizzy again. She tried to breathe deeply like she had been before but her breath was starting to hitch. She was crying. She was sick of feeling weak and in pain. She just wanted it to be over.

"Sweetie?" Brennan heard the handle of the door turning as Angela invaded her privacy. She must have been listening from outside. Brennan thought about trying to hide her arm but she really couldn't be bothered anymore. The tears continued to roll down her face as she kept her head buried between her knees.

"Are you ok? What happ… Oh My God! Brennan! Your arm!" Angela rushed over to her and stared down in horror. Brennan knew that she had seen everything. It was too late to make excuses, or try to hide.

"You need to go to the hospital, come on let's go." She felt Angela tug on her good arm to try to pull her up but she resisted.

"I don't need to go to the hospital. I'm fine. I'll be fine." She avoided looking at Angela. She didn't want to see the pity that she knew would be in her eyes.

"You are not fine Brennan. And you did not fall. You did this to yourself didn't you? Oh God, there's so much blood." Brennan took a deep shuddering breath and raised her head.

"Yes." The admission fell from her lips followed by more sobs. She hated being emotional, it was ridiculous. "Some of my stitches appear to have come out; I was looking for a first aid kit."

"You are going to the hospital Brennan, you need a doctor."

"I'm not going anywhere. I can do it myself."

"That's it, I'm calling Booth. He'll know what to do." Something in Brennan snapped.

"Don't you dare call Booth, Angela. He already knows and he doesn't care, ok? He doesn't care."

"WHAT? What do you mean he knows? What does he know?"

"He came to my apartment, he called the ambulance. He knows." Brennan tried to stop herself from talking but she couldn't. It felt good to finally be able to tell someone. "He has Hannah now, and he doesn't care about me anymore. I told him I love him and he said he loved Hannah." She stopped talking when she ran out of breath. The anger was radiating from Angela who had started pacing in from side to side.

"That's it. I'm calling him. He has NO idea. He can't know. You must have hallucinated or something. Booth would never leave you alone if he realized…" She stopped in the middle of her tirade as she caught sight of Brennan's arm again.

"No Angela, don't!" Brennan tried to reach for Angela's legs as she almost ran for the door. She tried to follow her but gave up when she reached the doorway. She listened, but everything was quiet.

"BOOTH. It's Angela. Yes that's right, you remember? I work at the lab with Brennan. Temperance Brennan? Do you remember her? Of course you do? No Booth. Do you have any idea what she's been going through? No don't even start with me. You gave her a chance and she missed it? What are you, five? She LOVES you Booth. She told you that. How could you just throw that back in her face. So have you seen her lately? Why so silent huh? Got nothing to say now do you? I didn't believe it when she told me but it's true isn't it? You weren't there for her. And now she's…" Brennan heard Angela break down into tears and closed her eyes, leaning her head against the doorframe. She was starting to feel really drowsy but she strained to hear the rest of the one sided conversation.

"You don't know the half of it Booth. She needs you. Now. We're at me and Hodgin's house. Yes, and bring Cam, tell her Brennan changed her mind, she'll know what I mean."

Brennan felt more tears slide down her face. She didn't want to listen to anymore. She knew Booth didn't care, although she realized she had been wrong about Angela. Her arm was curiously numb now but she had a headache and she was cold. Leaning to one side she grabbed her coat form where she'd thrown it earlier and fished in the pocket for the pills. Tipping the bottle upside down onto the carpet she tried to count how many were left, but her vision was blurry and she gave up. Instead she scooped them all up and stuffed them in her mouth, grimacing as she dry swallowed. Leaning back again she closed her eyes and relaxed as she felt them start to work. As she passed out she felt herself slip sideways onto her bad arm but she couldn't feel it anymore so she didn't bother trying to move. She let herself fall, knowing that this time, Booth wouldn't be there to catch her.

**Author's Note: So what do you think? Booth will feature heavily in the next chapter and from then on. How do you want it to end? Review and let me know ****:)**


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